Articles

The following articles have been written and / or chosen by SOSBSA as providing important information to assist you and hope that they are helpful to those that have lost a loved one to suicide.
You can access these pages from the following links. If you have any article that you'd like us to include please don't hesitate to contact us.
Please note: we won't add any articles that are not directly relating to suicide or suicide bereavement - so please don't ask us to. Any request to add articles that don't meet this criteria won't be responded to.
Scroll down to find recommended website links.

How does one survive?

One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Think in small time frames, the task of surviving doesn’t seem as daunting then. See also Self Healing Tools in Fact Sheet 03 - Take Care of Yourself.

Draw on the strengths you have within you which have gotten you through prior troubled times. You do have these strengths even though you may feel weak and lost at this time.

Your emotions may be chaotic and confusing and may clash against each other -this is normal. You may question your sanity-this is normal. You may question every interaction you had with the deceased- this is normal. You may obsess about their last minutes, try to imagine their thoughts, their pain-this is normal. You may find the ordinary happenings of life trivial – this is normal. You may feel that you are too broken to ever recover- this is normal. There may be a great deal of work to be done on your grief journey – it can only be done at your own pace and not at the expectation of others.

Speak with others bereaved by suicide. Go to our Support Groups page or ask your GP or Community resource centre to find where a support group might be. Look in the front pages of your local telephone book or speak with a local ambulance officer (these wonderful men and women sadly deal with suicide and attempted suicides often so may be able to recommend you to a service locally). The local funeral director may also be able to help. If you are too traumatized to search, ask someone close to you to do it for you – your friend may be glad to at last be able to do something useful.

Read books on grief and coping and stories of others who have survived the loss of a loved one through suicide. There are also many websites, and some of these are listed below under Links. Search on sites like YouTube for video stories. Keywords: suicide bereavement, suicide loss and grief, survivors of suicide (this term means that you can “survive” this shattering of your very being).If your loved one had a mental illness, learn more about the illness- it may help you understand more about them.

Seek out professional counselling help eg psychologists, counsellors, social workers who specialize in grief support. Again, your GP or one of those mentioned above may be able to direct you to the appropriate person.

Look after your physical health –eat small healthy meals*, drink 6-8 glasses of water each day (dehydration causes mental confusion- you’ve enough to deal with without even more), get a little exercise and catch a little sun and fresh air. Sleeping can be extremely difficult-

limit drinks with caffeine, try meditation, talk with your pharmacist about possible natural remedies or you GP. Learn from other survivors what worked for them.

Alcohol and self medicating/drugs can make problems worse.

Give yourself permission to smile – think about the things your loved one did that made you smile and allow yourself to smile at these bittersweet memories.

Allow yourself to take time out to appreciate the people who are grieving with you. Their style of grieving may be different from yours but it doesn’t mean their grief is of less value. Learn about different grieving styles.

If you feel you cannot fully fulfil your parenting duties, ask trusted relatives/friends to help you in supporting your children. Your children need to know you still love them so speak with them frequently- sometimes, to them, the person who died seems to have become the only one you care about.

Unfortunately, great traumas have been part of the human condition since the beginning of mankind. Cultures have used spiritual beliefs to help them make sense of their world and those with religious/spiritual beliefs will attest that much of the teaching of their particular faith deals with overcoming the hurts of life. Some of you will gain great comfort from your belief at this time and others will greatly question their faith – this is normal, go where ever your questions have to take you.

Even with all these suggestions, in the end it will be your solutions that get you through. In time, your loss and your grief will become part of your life story, it will be part of you but not all of you. You will be able to function to a “new” normal.

* Fresh fruit and veges like apples, bananas, grapes, mandarins, carrots, beans, celery, sprouts etc need little or no preparation. Baked beans, canned vege soups, healthy frozen meals, cheese on toast, a boiled egg, weetbix etc take little preparation.

You as the Teacher

As strange as this may sound, your loss has made you a “teacher”. Many of your family, friends and acquaintances have not experienced a major loss, or if they have, are cradling it in their hearts alone, so they do not know what to say or do in case it upsets or offends you. Many people find dealing with someone in mourning very scary. You, even in all your grief, will have to let them know that it is ok to approach you. This may be easiest by sending an email or asking someone who is already supporting you to print up a letter. The contents can be as simple as this example:

Dear Family and Friends,

I know you may be afraid of approaching or contacting me in case I get upset, and perhaps you are afraid you might cry too, but please do not be. I might cry but we can both handle that together and I won’t always cry. Please use ______________ name and talk about him/her. If you are not sure if you should talk about a particular thing then just ask me if I want to talk about it. Sometimes just sitting/walking with me awhile is all that’s needed and other times just letting me talk while you listen. Even an email lets me know I’m not alone. It’s ok to contact me on “special” days like anniversaries/ birthdays/ Christmas.

Mourning doesn’t mean I have to be left alone - though sometimes I may want to be alone. Yes, you can invite me places . Sometimes I will be able to say “yes” and other times I will not have the strength- but I will greatly appreciate your asking. Remember me and include me as time goes by.

Grief isn’t something that can be “fixed” or “gotten over”, it is something that each person has to work through, and the loss adapted to, in their own time. There are no “quick fixes”. Processing the grief from a suicide death can take many years - there are so many questions and so many confusing emotions.

Because grief is a very emotional journey, there will be times when I may not be the easiest or nicest person to be around but please persist. If the time comes, just say “ I’m here to support you. I know you are having a difficult time. Perhaps we need some time out. Would you like to go for a walk/drive/ take a rest?” (Even though I’m grieving I still have to take responsibility for my actions and words, but cut me a little slack please.)

A major loss like this does change people, I will not be quite the person you knew before and “yes”, you can mention the word “suicide.” Please try to learn a little about suicide prevention as well, as we don’t want this to happen to anyone else’s loved one. (www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/suicide, www.suicidepreventionfnq.org.au) People do not suicide because they are “bad” or “evil”, they suicide because they feel overwhelmingly distressed and their “brain talk” has convinced them they have run out of options.

If you have photos or stories of _____________ please let me see/hear them. Let us remember this very special person for his/her life. Don't let _____________ death overshadow the part he/she played in our lives.

Your friend.

Links

Please note: we won't add any Links that are not directly relating to suicide or suicide bereavement - so please don't ask. Any request to add articles that don't meet this criteria won't be responded to.

DO NOT email requests – they will be ignored

Any email request will be deleted and not be responded to.

If however, you have a link that directly talks to suicide or suicide bereavement - please send them to us by email or through the contact form.